When the universe takes charge!
Writing is such a curious occupation. We don’t always rock up to our desk and rattle through our word count or create the perfect settings or characters. Our brains need to be in the right gear for a start! Something the brilliant Becky Walsh, personal development comedian, can tell us all about.
For me, today is one of these days. I’ve had just over two hours of sleep and although my fingers are rattling off the keyboard, I’m churning out a blog post rather than my current WIP… and why… because I’ve spent most of the night beating myself up about a decision I made yesterday.
To put things into context, my writing has just come back to life after four horrible years. We lost a family member to sudden adult death syndrome and another to cancer, and then my elderly aunt became unwell. We cared for her 24/7 until, eventually, there was no other option, and she went into a nursing home. Anyone who has been in this position will know it’s one of the hardest things you ever do.
Fortunately, she has defied doctors and is still here today. But, in the last week, she has gone downhill drastically. And, after yesterday’s visit, I found myself wrestling with a grim decision; was it time to rally the family?
In the end, I decided to make the calls. I would never forgive myself if everyone didn’t have the chance to see her one last time. But on the other hand, I’m no medical expert. She could rally round again in a few days and wonder what all the fuss was about. In which case, everyone would have worried for nothing. My youngest is a teacher in Edinburgh and she is driving up this afternoon after work, as soon as her class is out. But my eldest, who is also in Edinburgh, and who is ideally working from home this week (he’s a maritime engineer and is often away on site) could have finished a little earlier this afternoon and travelled up with his sister…instead he has tested positive for covid!
Now, my head is spinning with all sorts of wishes. Please let my aunt rally around again. Please give us another couple of years. Please let her last another seven to ten days so my son can test negative and get up to see the person who has been like a third grandmother to my children. Please let everyone get there in time.
But then I panic. Have I overreacted? Surely, she isn’t this close to the end!
Have I cried wolf? Have I been silly to rally the troops? After all, she has had these recurring urine infections for almost a year. Could this just be another? But she has never sunk this low before.
All I can do is wait, hope, and write a blog.
Pauline Tait – Novelist & Children’s Author
Image courtesy of iStock.